wow. last post was august 4th! its now...yeah. im embarassed to evey say how long its been. well- we have a new president! yay! i know "change has come" but im excited to see it actually happen. let's face it, the economy sucks! we need something to give.

i have been spending a lot of time relaxing these days. i left the old company and just vegged for a while. granted that doesnt mean im not working on my own things as usual! lol. in my free time from relaxing im working on a CD/DVD catalog of products. development has been interesting. its definitely a learning experience. launch date? november 21st.

i also have been taking puppy out every day (yeah yeah..my "puppy" is 11 years old, but whatever. she's MY puppy!). she loves it. i cant say no when she comes running up to me with her leash in her mouth, wagging her tail. soo cute.

OH-- and tons of homemade cooking has been happening. i realized again how much i LOVE to cook. lots of fish. chicken. and of course my favorites homemade pizza and chicken/been soup.

that's all that's been happening. lots of things to squeeze into a day though. i do manage to watch The Steve Wilkos Show almost daily. where in god's name do they find these people?!? who knows...makes me glad i dont know any of them personally.

that is all.
anya the great

dreams

so...for anyone who doesnt know. i left the company i was contracted by. i just wasnt feeling it. long story, but we split amicably. great great GREAT people. not for me. the more i work for some one else the more i realize how i need to be working for myself. period. i have no problem with working 50-60 hours a week. its been a norm throughout my life. im ready.

catch up!

sweet lord its been a loooong time since i blogged here!! well. life has been super busy. i have been setting up shop and officially opening the doors to my own business. online presence is the first step to getting "official" and wow. is it hard. i never realized how indecisive i am about the most mundane details of life. i wish they only offered black or white backgrounds. would make my life MUCH easier.

i had a birthday two days ago!! GO ME! (I type that like its some type of personal achievement. haha) no-- really. i have always loved my birthday. it never fails to be a fantastic and beautiful day. and this one was no exception. i went to see "step brothers" staring my favorite, will ferrell. i went to Hollywood Blvd. yeah...another one of my favorite places. HEY-- you can watch the movie, order dinner and they have a full bar. all at the same time. i love it!

today is filled with catching up though. i took yesterday off to lounge. mid-afternoon nap and all. so...here i go. onto 93259 things to accomplish. and yeah.. it IS 4pm already. great...

may 8, 2008

its 810pm and i am sitting in my final class for my MBA. my team did our presentation already so now we just have to sit through the other team's presentation. this is hard. i want to pack up and leave. but...poor other team all called off but for one member. poor gal is giving their entire presentation solo. that sucks. so...i cant just walk out on her. that would be rude.

the facilitator(oh yeah...once you get to the MBA program you no longer have teachers. you have 'facilitators'.)said "once you guys are done with your presentations i will cover week 6 work!" um...seriously?? you think i am going to sit here after this?? i showed up. i signed in. i did my part of the presentation. what exactly does he think he is going to say in the last hour that is going to change my life? if he is intent on changing my life, i have email. send it there and ill read it comfortably at home later.

i also am typing very quietly so it doesnt seem like im not listening. i am...sorta. im multitasking here!! im an MBA afterall!!

and now i shall search the net until she is done...

i am alive

i dont believe its been so long since my last post. i have been diligently studying. studying and studying. all my studying has brought me 3...count 'em...THREE days away from my Master's Degree. part of me doesnt believe it. its like when you work for something for so long, the end becomes blurrier as you move towards it. even though i know its three days away, i still cant imagine what its going to be like in 3 days. i guess it will finally hit me that im done. finished. its over. wow.

my crazy brain just thought "there's always a PhD"...jesus help me. sitting still has never been my forte.

back

well. im back. i had a business trip this past week. i left thursday at noon. driving. it was 5 hour drive, but i love road trips. im "good" at road trips. i brought my fully stocked i-pod and a few bottles of water. it was fun. i drove with my boss, who i get along with, so we had no problems there.

the weather...ugh...it sucked. when we got down to these little IL towns, it was crazy. it would pour for like 2 miles, then no rain at all, then pour for another 3 miles, then nothing. ?? wth??? it was strange.

the conference was good. i learned a lot. we basically met with tons of vendors. you get 15 minutes with each one and they either present you with new product, or you settle issues. if its an integral vendor, its good. you talk about how much money you've make for them, how much product they make for you, etc. you laugh. they give you samples. if its a vendor you dont sell, that's when its a little uncomfortable. you sit there small-talking..."Can you sell our product?" No. "Do you want to try selling our product?" No. [dead silence]...tick tick tick...it can be the longest 15 minutes of your life.

overall it was good though. one "good" vendor set us up with skybox tickets to the Cardinal's game on friday night. that was cool. we got the "gourmet nachos"...omg. chips, salsa, ground beef, cheese, jalapenos. fantastic. the stadium was very cool too. they renovated and repositioned the stadium to give you a fantastic view of the St Louis Arch and downtown St Louie. the scene here seems really cool too. we didnt have time to explore, but there were quite a few small bars with live music. if i had a little more time, id love to see what's up there for a weekend...hmmm... another road trip??? :)

sunday

ahh...i love sundays. the very word "sun...day"...a day to sit in the sun. enjoy the sun. walk in the sun. soooo very calming. its just a cool day.

friday i went out and ended up getting home at 530am on saturday morning. it was fun though. i went to this goth club i used to frequent when i was a youngster. omg-- it was like time stood still. same dark walls. same techno music. same goth kids jumping around and stomping on the dance floor. its definitely a club i could go to once every 3 months to have some fun at. any more than that? nah. im too old.

saturday was a 'work day' for me. i got some new stuff together and worked some old stuff. so...that leaves sunday.

today is my day to take doggie for a walk. get a good lunch. watch a movie (if i have the attention span AND dont find something else more important to do). get some fat-free frozen custard for dessert. mmmm....

that is all.

slipcovers...and other disasters

i am slipcover challenged. honestly. i cant put on a slipcover to save my life. no-- im not talking about the big ones you just drape over a couch. i mean the fitted ones that you can take off for easy cleaning. i desperately spot-treat until i cant push it any further. i buy new stain-lifters and try and try and desperately try. sooner or later, the time comes when i have to remove the slipcover and throw it in the wash. when i do...i get a good nights rest. i have a nice drink before tackling it. and this is my saturday:

i woke up early and took the slipcover of hell off. threw it in the wash. then. i ventured off to switch out the rental car i have had for the past week. i made breakfast. i made calls. i cleaned. i broke my vacuum cleaner. i fixed my vacuum cleaner. threw the slipcover into the dryer. i took the dog out. i had a long lunch. had a drink. "here we go" i thought as i went to my dryer. i pulled out what seemed like a mile of black "stain resistant" (yeah ok) cloth, sewed into edward-scissorhands like pieces. i laid it out on the floor and was determined to get it on the couch. ok. yeah. so i turned it around the other way. and again. hmmm. ok. so maybe if i throw it on the couch it will make more sense. so i did. nothing.

here's the deal with me. i can work an excel spreadsheet like there's no tomorrow. i can write a 30-page research paper practically in my sleep. i can come up with innovative ideas to no end. but slipcovers? we just dont see eye to eye.

my friend is on her way over now to put it on for me. im having another drink.

i am officially a PANSY

so i took janey (the best dog on earth) to the pet store. i go late so its as barren as possible. i let her roam down the toy aisle and what she 'sniffs' the hardest is the toy she gets to take home. she sniffed this huge bone w/fake marrow inside. so ok...i obediently purchased what my little princess wanted. its a real bone filled with processed chicken-flavored...um...for lack of a better term...MUSH. the point is to give it to your dog and let them struggle to suck the marrow out. yeah...

so janey sucked about 1/4 out of one side. then 1/4 out of the other side. she couldnt reach the very middle. so what do i do? do i let her struggle? do i leave her figure it out?? no..i take her bone and force my finger into one end and push the fake marrow out so she can reach it. yeah...PANSY.

then she sucks it down more and now she's learned to bring it to me as if to say "I can reach it. push it out again!" and what do i do? yeah...

P-A-N-S-Y

im (almost) back

so after suffering through a bout of bronchitis, i am finally about 90%. sick sucks. it really bothered me to breathe deep and hear the "stuff" in my lungs. i have never been prone to lung-stuff. colds? yes. allergies? yes. chest colds? NOPE!! thank god. at least its over.

im watching American Idol. i wish i could sing. id grace everyone with my vocal talents...requested or not. sorry. sit there and listen dang-it!! id love to be one of those people who rides on the chicago L and sings at stops. not for the immense tips...lol. but for the amazing sounds you get from singing underground in tunnels. i have always been fascinated with singers who camp out with an empty coffee can in front of them at any given locale and just sing. yeah...that would be cool...

fear of monkeys

so its no secret that i am not a fan of monkeys...gorillas, orangatans, any type of ape. nooo thanks. however, im noticing a growth in "monkey tv". first there was orangatan island. i really like that show. they show how the orangatans are on an island and learning to build a community. its so interesting to see how something i look at as "wild" is able to do so much. for example, this one older silver-back monkey sees the electric fence that surrounds their ape community and takes a giant log to a remote location. he uses the log to "test" the electric fence before touching it. come on??? NO WAY!! that amazed me that he not only realized the electric fence can possibly hurt him, but he's put together a "test" to see if its a "safe" area. the video camera that captured his "test" is narrated by an equally amazed professor. the ape crawled up this high tree to reach the fence with the log on one hand. so he not only remembered his "test", but he acted with purpose. that just floored me. maybe that's why they scare me so much. they arent stupid creatures who are powerful. they are thinking/analyzing/planning creatures.

oh-- the end of the story was, when he put his log on the electric fence, nothing happened. so he dropped his log and propelled himself over the fence and into the unknown beyond. wow. i cant honestly say that i'd put that one together. i think id say "well-- im quarantined in here w/an electric fence surrounding me. ok." and eat another banana. the end.

amazing.

now there's "escape to chimp eden"...another ape rescue show. i watch with bated breath as their monkeys are saved one by one. it really bothers me how people use these little creatures as either food, or entertainment. they are so smart. i am the first one to say i DONT LIKE APES...but...how can something so smart and capable be treated in such a horrid manner? i think their intelligence is what sways me. its phenominal how close to human they really are. they can reason. they have personalities. they think. they plan. they plot.

amazing.

that is all.

fridays

its friday. i love fridays. y? because fridays are the only day i let myself just V-E-G. no requirements. no rules. no plans. fridays just "happen" for me. its awesome. for example, tonight. i worked 8 hours, helping a company get more in tune with their vision. i busted out my personal spreadsheet knowledge, let them know the tools i need to move forward with my self-assigned project and worked until 530. i also looked up some resources for myself and shared them with fellow women business owners. im good business-wise.

right now im watching tv. i am planning on meeting some friends later for appetizers and a cocktail. and then ill come home, walk my dog and go to bed. ahhhh. soo very nice. sometimes that's all you can ask for.

and then its saturday...

the dog

here she is. Janey. born march 17th, 1998. i wonder what she thinks about. i mean some times its obvious. like when i go into the kitchen and she glances at the counter where her treats are kept. she keeps glancing and licking her lips until she gets a treat. or when she sniffs the door. that means i want to go out. she picks up her toys and stares at me...again, obvious. "let's play."

but some times, like in this pic, she gets this deep thougthful look about her. i wish i could read her mind. then again, maybe all that is there really is food, play, yard. quite possibly she isnt as deep as i give her credit for.

insomnia part 2

so here we are again. its 414am. im watching tv. janey my beautiful black lab is snoring to add insult. what is there to do at 415am? i could take janey for a walk. of course she'd give me this look like "are you serious?!?" she does that sometimes. granted she would easily give in. one shake of her leash and shes ready. but...its cold.

ok. so there are a few things i could do but all are projects that would take a while. do i really want to start a project at 417am? nah.

um...yeah...so i lay here on my couch w/my dog on my legs. snoring. i already took a hot shower, thinking that might kick in some semblance of relaxation. nope.

ok. so im going to watch a docmentary on meth addiction. i wonder if they have trouble sleeping? from what i can tell so far, they are too paranoid to sleep. one guy sleeps with a gun and a taser by his bed. why? he didnt really have a good reason. just said he's "worried". um...ok. then there is this young girl. probably early eaaarly 20's on meth. she has sores all over her mouth and shoots up. ew. ok...close up of a vein being intruded by a syringe...NEXT STATION.

here we go again. infomercials. orangatan island. i love that show. granted i hate monkeys. i have since i saw the wizard of oz as a child and the flying monkeys kidnapped Toto. i dont know why i didnt so much mind them stealing dorothy. she asked for it by running off in the middle of a tornado. but poor toto. all he did was jump out of elvira gulch's bicycle basket. and if she were going to have me put to sleep, id jump out too. & yes, i would bite.

getting back to monkeys though...i have heard one too many stories about how wild crazy orangatans or apes or even monkeys went crazy on a group of people. i still shudder at the orangatans who got loose a few years ago at a preserve and ripped a man's eyeball out! they also ripped off his foot at the ankle. i mean isnt that overkill?? jeez. i mean if youre so angry, hit the guy. he goes down. BOOM. then walk away. but to rip the poor man's eyeball out!! seriously...and then there are those little "cute" monkeys. you know-- the ones with the giant eyes and everyone oo's and ah's over them. yeah. here's a newsflash people: when they get mad they throw their poop at you. i have a problem with anything -- human or not -- that thinks of poop as a weapon. that's just gross.

ok its 430. im back to the meth addicts. they live in a hotel because they dont have anywhere to go. i dont get how they live? where do they get money for meth? or do they barter w/sex? i just dont get that lifestyle. um..now "ashlee is attempting to prostitute herself for meth." ok. she did. and she's driving off w/her meth. its good to have goals, i suppose. she just snorted it and now is screaming "that burns!!" um...no. really? youre not supposed to suck stuff up your nose, brainiac. i learned that one at 6 when i accidently sucked pixie-stick sugar up my nose.

is it too early for breakfast? probably. maybe ill work out. OMG-- i just YAWNED! YES!!! time to lay down.

SERENITY NOW!!!

insomnia

so i went to bed at midnight last night. and woke up at 2am. the strange thing? i wasnt the least bit tired. i was ready to conquer the world!! one problem though: there isnt a whole lot to conquer at 2am in suburban chicago. i ended up throwing doggie into the car and we went to the 24 hr grocery store. exciting huh? some people go to clubs at 2am to PART-AY!! me? i go to the frozen food section. got a great deal on lean cuisines though!! (how pathetic is my excitement at saving a few bucks?? lol)

so i got home. and doggie ran off after a bunny. (ok- it was my fault. i didnt bother putting her leash on. she normally follows me obediently except for ONE exception: bunnies.) i called her name. walked around. but finally,i defiantly announced "FINE! IM LEAVING YOU TO SLEEP OUTSIDE IN THE SNOW TONIGHT!!" & went into the house to put away all groceries. sure enough, when i came back out there she was sitting on the front step wagging her tail like "hi! what's up?" "GET IN HERE!" i yelled holding the door open. of course she nuzzled up to me w/this "im sorry" look. (she knows how to play me) and of course, my arm went right around her to scratch her ears. by this time it was around 4am.

laid down again. and...nothing. not a yawn in site. so i started watching tv. problem? there's only one thing on at 4am: infomercials. juicers. workout machinery. sandwich machines. vacuum cleaners. its so funny how the hosts make each product sound SOO very exciting. i killed time watching that red-haired older lady talk up the sandwich machine "like no other." ok. 6am.

at 630am? "levitra" for erectile disfunction. call 866-levitra. "why wait? ask your doctor if levitra is right for you!" ok...

laid down again. and...nothing. i resorted to watching "That's So Raven" reruns. remember Raven? Raven Simone from the cosby show?? she's a young adult now and her show makes millions w/the "Cheetah Girls". her chest is huge by the way. like massive. it was fantastic though- watching her cheesy show at 6am. then i watched "degrassi: the next generation". remember Degrassi High?? OMG- i grew up with Degrassi. i loved them all. it was stange to see the characers with "real" jobs now working at degrassi high as teachers. wow.

7am. OMG--- 1 YAWN!!! WOW!!! so i finally fell asleep. and then. 9am. EYES POPPED OPEN. so i got 2 hours of sleep. im not the least bit tired either. um...??? strange.

i guess insomnia isnt that bad. i got to:

1) find lean cuisines at record-low prices
2) lose my dog
3) find my dog (although i didnt so much "find her" as she "came back")
4) watch raven simone
5) catch up on degrassi high
6) learn about new products on the market

sweet. i wonder what tonight will hold.

i love this pic.

things i love (that are not alive)

...in no particular order...
1) chips & salsa
2) blue cheese
3) green walls
4) rain
5) high heels
6) america's next top model
7) pizza
8) school
9) learning
10) burgundy
11) maribou
12) candles
13) my warm bankie on a cold night
14) jack daniels
15) A&E and Discovery channels
16) hot showers
17) forest preserves
18) www.perezhilton.com
19) silver cars
20) silver jewelry
21) wooden tables
22) diet pop
23) brown eyeshadow
24) stars
25) lipgloss

the job offer

so i got a job offer this past thursday. they offered me $100,000 + 4 weeks vacation. awesome, huh? one problem: i LOVE my company now. i love the people. i love what they stand for-- learning. excellence. achievement. teamwork. there is only one dumbass in the lot of 30 & i dont have to talk to him often...hmmm

what to do?? i guess i have to weight my options, but...honestly, money isnt everything.

scary movie

sometimes i like a good scary movie. now i dont go crazy with it. forget some of those creepy-weirdo movies..."saw 1-4", "Hostile", "texas chainsaw"...NO THANKS. and FORGET the old "e*orcist" movies (note: i wont even type the whole word in my blog.) i snuck into my living room at 8 and watched parts of that movie against my mother's strict orders. i think i was 19 before i could walk into a pitch black bedroom alone thanks to those few scenes i snuck behind my mother's back.

on the other hand, movies with 'twists' like "The 6th Sense" i LOVE. fast forward to this past weekend. i saw "The Orphanage", or "El Orfanato", as it is in spanish w/subtitles. great movie. cool ending. sad ending. but very engaging story. id see it again. granted it has the "ghost factor" up the wazzoo, but the resolution is all human. and you look back and think "wow-- that really SUCKED to be her!" and except for one short scene of true gore, no one was tortured. no one was maimed. no one decapitated. just good movie making.

the review

so i had my 6 month review at the company i work for last friday. it was interesting. i was told i have "a nice personality" and that made me laugh. i of course interjected with "and i like long walks in the park and pina coladas." the reviewer laughed. basically i was told if i "keep on doing the work i do" i can be making jillions of bucks w/profit sharing, bonuses, tuition reimbursement and salary. hmmm.

it was good to hear but i cant help but think i still want to do my own thing and make jillions of bucks on my own. i could work there for a while. i love the people. i love the atmosphere. i love the culture. but some how it seems like a cop-out.

i guess the answer is what it always has been: if i outgrow it, i move on.

clients

clients. clients. clients. omg. as a life-coach extrordinaire i have to deal with my worst nightmare: people. i think its for my own good really. if given a choice id LOVE to move to some remote mountain and have dogs. lots of dogs. nothing else. id have high-speed to communicate w/friends and cable and that's it. id go down into town for food once a month, and maybe to see a movie now and then.

dogs are sooo easy. they are logical. they want food, water, love and a place to poop. that's it. you give them that and they love you. they just make sense.

i wish i could say the same for clients.

aaahhh. friday night at home. (does that make me sound old?)

last friday i was talked into going out with a few work friends to North Beach on butterfield road in lombard IL. not bad. its got a volleyball court w/sand on the right and a bowling alley on the left. two bars in the middle and a stage in back. one work-friend C got drunk out of her mind and then proceeded to tell me "i want to dance!" so...as a good friend, what did i do? i started picking hot guys and saying "where can we go to dance?" sure enough, two guys said "come with us! we're going to jeremy's party!" well-- they looked harmless, i wasnt drunk and had my own car, so...fast forward. so im crawling under a chain-link fence (jeremy lived just next to lewis university where we parked and the fence that's normally wide open during the week, was locked for the weekend), pulling a drunk friend behind me, to go to "jeremy's party." we get to jeremy's house and there's nothing in the living room but an gynocologist's chair, and two sofas positioned on each side. yeah. there are a few people sitting on the sofas waiting for the ever-elusive "jeremy". jeremy never shows. since there is no dancing as was promised, i say to our two guides "look-- drunk-girl wants to dance and im a tired ornery leo. get me some place where we can dance!!" they quickly leave with us (yea---we need to crawl BACK uncer the chain-link fence) and we go to "matthew's house".

ok- so matthew is this uber-trendy guy in leather boots w/a jawline to die for. the house is big enough to store 2 or 3 families. matthew is blond. tall. and um...seems to be..um..."not quite with us." he is welcoming, but seems a bit more animated than is the norm for a young suburban gentleman. whatever-- the music is blasting and AWESOME. its club. its loud. its a nice change from jeremy's pad. so we get comfortable.

one problem: matthew asks us to take off our shoes and the drunk work friend cant figure out how to get her stiletto boots off. um...so i tell her "ill pull and you guys hold her." so our two companions take each of her arms and i start to take off her boots. she starts laughing and falls over. the guys catch her. i try again. she starts laughing again. (oh lord!! this isnt going to be easy.) so matthew comes rushing to the damsel's aid and kneels down. he motions for her to sit on his lap. work-friend says "NO!!" incredulously. "I am WAY TOO HEAVY!!" um...the girl is MAYBE 130 pounds. so i practically throw her down on matthew's bent knee and rip her boots off.

the guys go get us drinks and one (the one i found out was engaged) starts mingling w/guys, just having an innocent good time. the other one, who im trying to set up with work-friend C and i sit down to talk. his name is nathan.

very nice guy. seems "normal". i start working my "magic" and selling drunk friend to him. he likes her. although she is standing in the kitchen drinking & dancing herself into oblivion. so i find out that her "hopefully soon to be next date" was left at the altar a few months ago by his fiance. ouch. three, count 'em THREE days before the wedding. AND she didnt tell him to his face, she TEXTED him with "i dont think i can go through with this." DEAR LORD!! mind u, his whole family had already flown out to CA, where she was from, and he had to tell them the fiance bailed. ick.

finally around 430am i see matthew come dancing into the kitchen. at this point he's in boxer briefs and seems even MORE wired than before. great. he disappears with one of the 110lb-DD cup brunette attendees. so i venture into the library. OMG...everything from thoreau to c.s.lewis to beowulf to shakespeare lines the walls, from floor to ceiling. that was pretty cool. i dont even like to read, but i could picture myself getting lost in this room. i also notice a personally penned christmas card from the Daley's, mayor of chicago and some pics of Matthew and what i can only assume are his parents on a boat with Mayor Daley himself.

well- after my review of the library its time to go. it IS 5am now guys!!! one problem: we have to get work-friend C's boots back on. crap...mind u, she is now 2x's drunker than she was when i ripped them off. so i get her and throw her down on the couch and start stuffing her feet into the boots. she starts laughing; apparently having some one else push your boots on tickles. so nathan steps in and holds her leg so i can get her boot on. we finally, after a 15 minute struggle, manage to get ONE boot on. it takes another 10 minutes to get to the other one. finally we got her ready. we said bye to our tourguides. nathan exchanged phone numbers with work-friend C.

they went on their first date last night. WOOHOO! seemed to go well.

im so glad to be spending this friday at HOME. no chain-link fence. no suburban boys on crack blasting music in their mommy and daddy's home. no gynocological chairs. dont get me wrong, it was fun. but its good to be home with your dog.

look kid! i dont do 'gotta'!

"I dont do 'gotta'." i just heard Krusty the Clown say that to Bart Simpson on tv. i understand that sentiment. i believe bart was trying to talk krusty into helping him get away from side-show bob who, once again, was plotting his untimely demise. "krusty! krusty! you gotta help me! side-show bob is trying to kill me!" to which krusty replies "i dont do 'gotta'". how true.