slipcovers...and other disasters

i am slipcover challenged. honestly. i cant put on a slipcover to save my life. no-- im not talking about the big ones you just drape over a couch. i mean the fitted ones that you can take off for easy cleaning. i desperately spot-treat until i cant push it any further. i buy new stain-lifters and try and try and desperately try. sooner or later, the time comes when i have to remove the slipcover and throw it in the wash. when i do...i get a good nights rest. i have a nice drink before tackling it. and this is my saturday:

i woke up early and took the slipcover of hell off. threw it in the wash. then. i ventured off to switch out the rental car i have had for the past week. i made breakfast. i made calls. i cleaned. i broke my vacuum cleaner. i fixed my vacuum cleaner. threw the slipcover into the dryer. i took the dog out. i had a long lunch. had a drink. "here we go" i thought as i went to my dryer. i pulled out what seemed like a mile of black "stain resistant" (yeah ok) cloth, sewed into edward-scissorhands like pieces. i laid it out on the floor and was determined to get it on the couch. ok. yeah. so i turned it around the other way. and again. hmmm. ok. so maybe if i throw it on the couch it will make more sense. so i did. nothing.

here's the deal with me. i can work an excel spreadsheet like there's no tomorrow. i can write a 30-page research paper practically in my sleep. i can come up with innovative ideas to no end. but slipcovers? we just dont see eye to eye.

my friend is on her way over now to put it on for me. im having another drink.

i am officially a PANSY

so i took janey (the best dog on earth) to the pet store. i go late so its as barren as possible. i let her roam down the toy aisle and what she 'sniffs' the hardest is the toy she gets to take home. she sniffed this huge bone w/fake marrow inside. so ok...i obediently purchased what my little princess wanted. its a real bone filled with processed chicken-flavored...um...for lack of a better term...MUSH. the point is to give it to your dog and let them struggle to suck the marrow out. yeah...

so janey sucked about 1/4 out of one side. then 1/4 out of the other side. she couldnt reach the very middle. so what do i do? do i let her struggle? do i leave her figure it out?? no..i take her bone and force my finger into one end and push the fake marrow out so she can reach it. yeah...PANSY.

then she sucks it down more and now she's learned to bring it to me as if to say "I can reach it. push it out again!" and what do i do? yeah...

P-A-N-S-Y

im (almost) back

so after suffering through a bout of bronchitis, i am finally about 90%. sick sucks. it really bothered me to breathe deep and hear the "stuff" in my lungs. i have never been prone to lung-stuff. colds? yes. allergies? yes. chest colds? NOPE!! thank god. at least its over.

im watching American Idol. i wish i could sing. id grace everyone with my vocal talents...requested or not. sorry. sit there and listen dang-it!! id love to be one of those people who rides on the chicago L and sings at stops. not for the immense tips...lol. but for the amazing sounds you get from singing underground in tunnels. i have always been fascinated with singers who camp out with an empty coffee can in front of them at any given locale and just sing. yeah...that would be cool...

fear of monkeys

so its no secret that i am not a fan of monkeys...gorillas, orangatans, any type of ape. nooo thanks. however, im noticing a growth in "monkey tv". first there was orangatan island. i really like that show. they show how the orangatans are on an island and learning to build a community. its so interesting to see how something i look at as "wild" is able to do so much. for example, this one older silver-back monkey sees the electric fence that surrounds their ape community and takes a giant log to a remote location. he uses the log to "test" the electric fence before touching it. come on??? NO WAY!! that amazed me that he not only realized the electric fence can possibly hurt him, but he's put together a "test" to see if its a "safe" area. the video camera that captured his "test" is narrated by an equally amazed professor. the ape crawled up this high tree to reach the fence with the log on one hand. so he not only remembered his "test", but he acted with purpose. that just floored me. maybe that's why they scare me so much. they arent stupid creatures who are powerful. they are thinking/analyzing/planning creatures.

oh-- the end of the story was, when he put his log on the electric fence, nothing happened. so he dropped his log and propelled himself over the fence and into the unknown beyond. wow. i cant honestly say that i'd put that one together. i think id say "well-- im quarantined in here w/an electric fence surrounding me. ok." and eat another banana. the end.

amazing.

now there's "escape to chimp eden"...another ape rescue show. i watch with bated breath as their monkeys are saved one by one. it really bothers me how people use these little creatures as either food, or entertainment. they are so smart. i am the first one to say i DONT LIKE APES...but...how can something so smart and capable be treated in such a horrid manner? i think their intelligence is what sways me. its phenominal how close to human they really are. they can reason. they have personalities. they think. they plan. they plot.

amazing.

that is all.

fridays

its friday. i love fridays. y? because fridays are the only day i let myself just V-E-G. no requirements. no rules. no plans. fridays just "happen" for me. its awesome. for example, tonight. i worked 8 hours, helping a company get more in tune with their vision. i busted out my personal spreadsheet knowledge, let them know the tools i need to move forward with my self-assigned project and worked until 530. i also looked up some resources for myself and shared them with fellow women business owners. im good business-wise.

right now im watching tv. i am planning on meeting some friends later for appetizers and a cocktail. and then ill come home, walk my dog and go to bed. ahhhh. soo very nice. sometimes that's all you can ask for.

and then its saturday...

the dog

here she is. Janey. born march 17th, 1998. i wonder what she thinks about. i mean some times its obvious. like when i go into the kitchen and she glances at the counter where her treats are kept. she keeps glancing and licking her lips until she gets a treat. or when she sniffs the door. that means i want to go out. she picks up her toys and stares at me...again, obvious. "let's play."

but some times, like in this pic, she gets this deep thougthful look about her. i wish i could read her mind. then again, maybe all that is there really is food, play, yard. quite possibly she isnt as deep as i give her credit for.

insomnia part 2

so here we are again. its 414am. im watching tv. janey my beautiful black lab is snoring to add insult. what is there to do at 415am? i could take janey for a walk. of course she'd give me this look like "are you serious?!?" she does that sometimes. granted she would easily give in. one shake of her leash and shes ready. but...its cold.

ok. so there are a few things i could do but all are projects that would take a while. do i really want to start a project at 417am? nah.

um...yeah...so i lay here on my couch w/my dog on my legs. snoring. i already took a hot shower, thinking that might kick in some semblance of relaxation. nope.

ok. so im going to watch a docmentary on meth addiction. i wonder if they have trouble sleeping? from what i can tell so far, they are too paranoid to sleep. one guy sleeps with a gun and a taser by his bed. why? he didnt really have a good reason. just said he's "worried". um...ok. then there is this young girl. probably early eaaarly 20's on meth. she has sores all over her mouth and shoots up. ew. ok...close up of a vein being intruded by a syringe...NEXT STATION.

here we go again. infomercials. orangatan island. i love that show. granted i hate monkeys. i have since i saw the wizard of oz as a child and the flying monkeys kidnapped Toto. i dont know why i didnt so much mind them stealing dorothy. she asked for it by running off in the middle of a tornado. but poor toto. all he did was jump out of elvira gulch's bicycle basket. and if she were going to have me put to sleep, id jump out too. & yes, i would bite.

getting back to monkeys though...i have heard one too many stories about how wild crazy orangatans or apes or even monkeys went crazy on a group of people. i still shudder at the orangatans who got loose a few years ago at a preserve and ripped a man's eyeball out! they also ripped off his foot at the ankle. i mean isnt that overkill?? jeez. i mean if youre so angry, hit the guy. he goes down. BOOM. then walk away. but to rip the poor man's eyeball out!! seriously...and then there are those little "cute" monkeys. you know-- the ones with the giant eyes and everyone oo's and ah's over them. yeah. here's a newsflash people: when they get mad they throw their poop at you. i have a problem with anything -- human or not -- that thinks of poop as a weapon. that's just gross.

ok its 430. im back to the meth addicts. they live in a hotel because they dont have anywhere to go. i dont get how they live? where do they get money for meth? or do they barter w/sex? i just dont get that lifestyle. um..now "ashlee is attempting to prostitute herself for meth." ok. she did. and she's driving off w/her meth. its good to have goals, i suppose. she just snorted it and now is screaming "that burns!!" um...no. really? youre not supposed to suck stuff up your nose, brainiac. i learned that one at 6 when i accidently sucked pixie-stick sugar up my nose.

is it too early for breakfast? probably. maybe ill work out. OMG-- i just YAWNED! YES!!! time to lay down.